You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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