So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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