he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
