You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How does one acquire holy water?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
