Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
