while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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