We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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