I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
