Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
