I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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