Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
