Moan for me like Helen Keller
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
