Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
