Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
