Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I want a musical about memes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
