I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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