she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
