Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
