Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
