we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
if i can run in heels then i can drive
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
