Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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