I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
