I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
