For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
