Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
