Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
