Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
