my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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