I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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