just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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