yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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