The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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