i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
