I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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