Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We have started to decorate penises.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
