yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
