somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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