hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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