unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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