Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
