U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
