I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
