omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
