If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
