I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
