remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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