My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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