I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
