I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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