my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
