bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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