i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
