Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
