did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did we literally take a cab across the street
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
