Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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