me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
