How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
