Me. At least after what I've been through.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
