I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
