so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
