If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
