I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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