if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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